The Crow Wicked Prayer

[war|forever]

I just saw "Belly of the Beast" starring the one man kung fu machine known as Steven Segal on USA Network. The movie is awful, but to such a degree that it's funny to watch and wait for the next horrendously painful line to come out of one of the other mediocre talents' mouths.

The plot goes something like this (Warning: I'm going to ruin the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it. Double Warning: If you are worried that I'm about to ruin Belly of the Beast, you have much bigger problems than you realize):

Steven Segal is an ex-CIA agent who is as stealthy as he is lethal. The movie opens with him scaling walls and running across narrow beams in a roof, all to steal some vaguely generic disk. First if you believe, looking at Segal's body, that he can scale walls and run across beams, than maybe people haven't let you in on Santa's little secret either. Don't get me wrong, Segal's definitely spent a lot of time studying martial arts, or at least studying how to look like you've been studying martial arts. But the man is not Solid Snake, no matter how much the movie wants us to believe he is.

Anyway, he's retired now, but still completes tasks for one of his old friends at the CIA. Old friend from CIA comes to thank him for the important "disk" that we saw Steven steal earlier, but then informs him that his daughter's been kidnapped! Steven then flies to Thailand (where his daughter is being held), and murders thousands of brown guys on the way.

The cut-scenes with the daughter and her friend in the jail cell are especially painful, with an awfully familiar backstory about a mother who died and the brave father (Segal) is gonna rescue them.

Why did you bother wasting 2 hours of your life on this, you may be asking. Well it's simple, any kind of martial arts movie interests me, from zero special effects, to matrixy people on wires and shit. But in Belly of the Beast, they hadn't quite perfected that next level of martial arts cinematography yet. Everytime a guy would get hit by the amazingly powerful (yet chubby) Segal, he would be lifted up perpendicular to the floor and fly in a straight line back into a wall, or fruitstand, or what have you. Then when I went to IMDB to grab a picture of it for this post, I realized it was MADE IN 2003!!! And I lost the last little bit of respect I had for it.

All it is, is a movie about a man whoring Asian culture to make himself seem more important. Steven Segal you deserve the constant attention you get from MADtv. All and all, 5 stars (for ironic watchability).

 

[dango1]

O.k. people here are some more(I'm a little drunk, so excuse any misspells that make it through)

Starsky&Hutch - I loved this fuckin show growing up, so I thought there would be no way that this movie would work, and I was right. Owen Wilson is funny(chec out Bottle Rockets if you havent yet), and Snoop really tries to act and is genuinely hilarious, but Im sick of Stiller. Does he have to dance in every movie....well does he. Amy Smart and Carmen Electra work good as the eye candy, and Vince Vaughn again makes a movie that hes not supposed to...i.e Old School, and I do believe we have a Bateman sighting. It had its moments but I was biased going into it. Look for a Huggy Bear movie soon. 4/10.

Human Stain - Hey, pretty good movie here. The cast is fuckin-a good. Hopkins continues to be the man, Ed Harris is a freak, Nicole is a dirty dirty girl, Gary Sinese will alway be Lt. Dan......and the chick for real world London shows her bush....neato.6/10.

well thats it for now....more later :evil:

 

[Supafly]

Just saw The Butterfly Effect. Suprisingly good. Not a big Ashton fan but he did a hell of a job. The alternate ending was twisted.

8/10

 

[Bob_Box]

Went and saw The Villiage last night........movie was ok except for the damn girls sitting by me that screamed all the time. Give M. Nyght credit for his scripts that he comes up with. The movie is worth going to

7/10

 

[Gowar]

Collateral

I saw collateral last night. I went in expecting a pure shoot em up in your face action movie. Again I was surprised to find a stylish, efficiently choreographed, and atmosphere rich movie.

We are thrust into the story following a Los Angeles cabbie named Max (Jammie Fox). Max is just like any other working class stiff, wanting to follow a dream but never really having enough money to do so. Max's dream happends to be opening a limo company that is so nice you will never want to leave the car. Anyway, max ends up driving Jada Pinket Smith, who acts as a district attorney's office lawyer, to her office. Foxx and Pinket end up exchanging numbers, and in the afterglow of getting a pretty girls number, Max picks up a man by the name of Vincent (Tom Cruise). Donning a look that is sure to be in fashion magazines from here to mars, Cruise offers Foxx $600 to transport him to 5 locations around the city. Foxx hesitantly agrees, and 5 minutes after arriving at the first stop, a stiff ends up landing on the roof of Max's cab.

Now is where things get interesting, Cruise still needs a driver, and Foxx knows that he has already killed one man. With four stops left I do not want to spoil the movie. The cinematogrophy fits in perfectly, sometimes almost as if shot from a hand held camcorder and other times shot as a massive overhead panoramic. All in all id give collateral 4 out of 5 Stars.

 

[Zinista]

Went and saw The Villiage last night........movie was ok except for the damn girls sitting by me that screamed all the time. Give M. Nyght credit for his scripts that he comes up with. The movie is worth going to
7/10

A Movie I'm really looking forward to see...
I saw King Arthur a couple of weeks ago and wasn't that impressed.. The Actor who played King Arthur really didn't have much credibility as say Mel Gibson in Braveheart or Russel Crowe in Gladiator.. :?

 

[Gowar]

Wasnt Clive Owen Arthur?

 

[binarycode]

Alien vs. Predator & Exorcist: The Beginning

I'm a massive Alien fan and the way this movie incorporates them into the plot is absolutely pathetic. In my opinion, the plot is retarded, apparently based off of a video game. The action is worthless because of the PG-13 rating. How can a Predator and/or Alien movie be PG-13!?!?! It seems to me that some hollywood nimrod heard the outcry of the demand for this movie and released this piece of crap to shut it up. I'd wait for a friend to rent this and go see it that way.

The new prequel in the Exorcist series is exactly where it should be. If you saw the extra scene version of the Exorcist and enjoyed them you'll like this. I'm having trouble deciding what movie I like more, the Exorcist or it's prequel! There is a hell of a great plot to this movie along with the expected "possession effects" that of course can take it a step or two further than those effects from the 70's. Watch this movie ASAP! I watched it alone at the 1:30pm viewing then took my girlfriend to the 9:30pm viewing so I could look at her reactions and sorta see the movie again myself in case I had overlooked anything.

 

[HandsomeDan]

I saw Manchurian Candidate last night for the second time- def. worth watching. Denzel is once again... ...Denzel, and Meryl Streep (though I haven't liked her since Deer Hunter when she was actually attractive) was phenomenal- fucking amazing. I caught the original (w/ Sinatra) late night on a binge imp: and was mesmerized, I highly recommend the rental if anyone is interested in getting their mind blown despite B+W film. The new one is faithful to the original and intense, the type of movie that takes the wind out of you and makes you want to shit in Ashton Kutcher's trucker hat. :angry:

 

[HandsomeDan]

I checked out the Exorcist too...

The new prequel in the Exorcist series is exactly where it should be. If you saw the extra scene version of the Exorcist and enjoyed them you'll like this. I'm having trouble deciding what movie I like more, the Exorcist or it's prequel! There is a hell of a great plot to this movie along with the expected "possession effects" that of course can take it a step or two further than those effects from the 70's.

It's def. worth watching, I was pretty scared through most of the movie and nearly shit myself once or twice.
What's up with the new Jet Li flick? Any reviews on that one? I'm positive I'll see it, but I just want to know what to expect. I loved Crouching Tiger and actually cried once when I watched it (was bOOming my brains out) and plan to see this flick, though prob. not tripping cause I'm over that shit.

 

[joeorgasmic]

I saw the new exorcist movie the other day and I can describe it in one word "terrible". I expected to go into the theatre and be semi freaked out like in the first one, but all I got from that movie was laughs and a full bladder.

Hero was a good movie, it would have been a lot better if they hadn't kept repeating the same story over and over and over and over.

The best movie ever still stands at Super Troopers!

 

[maroon_golf]

Just saw MAN ON FIRE (im late i know) :roll:
Denzel is incredible as usual, theres some Christopher Walken in there too(always a good thing) and the little girl is awesome....

9/10 U gotta see this movie!!!

 

[Asian Sensation]

Okay Okay Okay...Like Maroon, I Am Also Late. I just watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind...and honestly...I think I've found a new favorite movie. Just the way everything is mapped out, and the general feeling that I'm left with amazes me. Sure, some movies have inspired me before, but I don't think any of those compare to this one...I don't do this very often, but...

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 10/10!!!

 

[Da' Pimp]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 10/10!!!

Thats the 2nd time I've heard that today.......I might have to check it out

 

[DBfan187]

I just recently saw The Forgotten, it was ok. The ending - you kind of expected it.

 

[Asian Sensation]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 10/10!!!

Thats the 2nd time I've heard that today.......I might have to check it out

If Anything Pimp...You'll Like The Various Scenes Of Kirsten Dunst.

 

[yoink]

I saw Napoleon Dynamite a couple of weeks ago. At first it was a little to weird for me but lately I find myself laughing about things that happened in the movie. Therefor i'll give it 8.5/10

Official Website
http://www2.foxsearchlight.com/napoleondynamite/epk/index.php

 

[Gonjawolverine]

America! Fuck Yeah!
Do you want to see a funny fucking movie? Well, Team America World Police is one funny fucking movie. I was watching Fox news network, and they had Matt Stone and Trey Parker on some news show interveiwing them. The woman they had doing the interview read some letter written to Stone and Parker by some actor named Sean Penn, calling them several bad names and other explictives. So, I asked myself, what the hell is that guy's problem? In the movie, the actors of America are all members of the Film Actors Guild, or F.A.G. for short. So when Team America would do their thing (A.K.A. Blow Shit Up), they would cut to Alec Baldwin, Tim Robbins, and Sean Penn speaking out against America with the word F.A.G. under their names, nice. The music is great in this film, there is actually a song that just rips the film Pearl Harbor and Ben Affleck, good shit. I won't ruin it for anyone, all I really have to say is "graphic puppet sex", the damn MPAA actually wanted to rate it NC-17. If you like South Park, political satire or puppet sex, you will like this film, but North Korean dictator Kim Jung Il will not appreciate this film very much.
9/10 - Good Shit

Derka Derka Jihad Muhamad Taliban

 

[TehMatt]

(Continued On Team America)

I went to this movie expecting to see the same South Park crap. Right from the beginning, I knew Matt and Trey, per-say, matured in their writing abilities. They hit every important political subject they could with amazing comedic overtones.
Now, dont get me wrong, this movie wasnt great, if your looking for a good quality, deep-meaningful, fullfilling movie, you are going to be very disappointed and maybe pissed off. Througout the movie, you can figure out, there werent professionals controlling those puppets. Its a jumbled comedic performance by miniture puppets with visable strings.

All in All. I came out of the theatre with a higher respect for the genre and the creators of the movie.

8/10


I was also wondering, If anyone has any theatres in their area that show Low-Budget movies, or 'Quiet' Films.

Because I never got the chance to see "Donnie Darko - Directors Cut". I have heard the movie changes jurastically, and gives you a deeper sense of understanding.

Please post if you have seen this movie, or have more information on the differences between "Donnie Darko" and the directors cut.

 

[Cman]

I SAW TEAM AMERICA LAST NIGHT AND IT WAS THE BEST MOVIE EVER!!! ... EVER!!!

America... Fuck Yeah! Comin again to save the motherfucking day! :lol: